If you listen to the majority of messages about women and midlife, you might feel inclined to stick your head in the oven. Most of what we read and hear is bad, bad news: cancer, brittle bones, depression, menopausal bitchiness, and, of course, the demise of sexual vitality.
Those things do happen, but they don’t happen to all women, and they aren’t always a death sentence. Women recover from cancer and resume their sex lives. HRT helps many through menopause, and not all women need it. Sexual problems that occur as a woman moves through menopause often have solutions. Yes, a woman’s sexuality evolves, but not necessarily in the nightmarish way we’re lead to believe. Sometimes, in fact, sex gets better.
This post is devoted to good news about women’s sexuality after menopause. Since I started my series on Sex After Menopause, I’ve received many e-mails from women sharing positive stories about midlife sex. Here are three of them. And you can look forward to more.
When my husband left after a 30-year marriage, I went through menopause. I was 55. I experienced a few hot flashes, dry skin, more wrinkles, memory loss, and a few other inconvenient and annoying symptoms. Hot “flash” is a lie; the heat lasts over 15 minutes!
For over a decade I had no clue if I had dried up and cobwebs had formed in my vagina. It was left alone by me or anyone else. I just did not think about it.
When I hit puberty I went from 0 to 100 on the lust meter; there was no waiting for my 30s to peak. I was healthy and horny and everything hummed along till menopause and then I plummeted from 100 to zero. I was happily alone and found no need or desire for any sexual relationship. I put on a few pounds, stopped flirting, and enjoyed platonic relationships with my male friends. In my opinion, nature was brilliant! I thought my girlfriends were misguided to take hormones to boost their libidos. Why, since they provided their own support and had a good network of friends, would they want to bring back sexual desire and all the energy that goes into an intimate relationship?
Then I was introduced to a friend of a friend. As a widower, he had been celibate a couple of years, and I for over ten. At first his advances caught me off-guard. I had no response and was going to introduce him to someone else. He was fun and thoughtful, he slowed down…anyway, with time the urge to merge returned and we connected.
I am amazed by my body. At 64, I am in good physical shape and healthy. I found I still could get into all the various positions as I did i my twenties.
I am able to have intercourse 8 times or more daily, only limited by his physical stamina.
I was shocked to find I was as juicy as ever. In the last year, I lost 20 pounds without dieting, my skin has become soft again (no, the wrinkles did not disappear), my hair thickened and my skin returned. I am active in my town and many people have commented on my “glow.”
I am not in love and I like that I can differentiate love from lust. I know that the body releases oxytocin and the love flood will dissipate over a few hours. However, the intensity I used to feel from touch, my orgasms, and all-over sensitivity are not as they were prior to menopause. But I’m not complaining! It all still feels good.
My orgasms are variable. Sometimes frequent and others are slower to come by, but they do not have to do with the frequencies or timing or mergers through oral, touching, or intercourse.
I am confused about what’s going on. After all I have read and heard from different sources I thought if I was ever penetrated again I would need to be peeled off the ceiling. Instead, I’m swinging from a chandelier!
I’m divorced, with three kids. I’ve had no period since age 49. BUT I am having the best sex of my life. I am loving it! No worries about anything but STDs, and I’m very cautious. I am more orgasmic than I’ve ever been, no lubrication required, and my longest session today was 90 minutes.
He stayed hard for 90 minutes and I had too many orgasms to count; it was mind-blowing.
So…some of us are enjoying these menopausal years!
I am a College Dean. I’m 59 and reached menopause at 52. I have never had a hot flash but had fibroids and some extra bleeding right before menopause and then the bleeding stopped completely at 51.
I have had a more than active sex life with a husband but am now divorced and dating again. I was concerned about vaginal dryness and went to my internist last March. She prescribed Premarin. In addition, I take organic coconut oil and Vitamin E occasionally. All of these things have worked wonders for me.
I have always had orgasms and now multiple orgasms during sex still.
I am lubricated and feel more sex drive since taking Premarin once a week. No pain during intercourse.
All I want to convey is there is hope for post-menopausal women. I have had sex with my boyfriend up to three times in a 24-hour period with no discomfort.
*All names have been changed.
*I am not a medical professional and this piece is not intended as medical advice. Please consult your physician before starting any treatment for menopausal symptoms.
If you’d like to contribute your story to this ongoing series on sex after menopause, please e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org.