Katie Paul writes about “loss, love, lust and longing.” In the case of this post below, which originally appeared on her blog Head Heart Health, she writes especially well about lust and longing. If you make it through her piece without the urge to be ravished in the kitchen, then I don’t know what.
I’ve been blaming my changing tastes in the bedroom on my midlife hormones, but to be honest, I’ve been this way for a long time.
You see, I’m one of those women who likes to be sexually ravished. Actually, ravished is too mild a word, I like to be fucked.
I’m almost certain I’m not alone, but as I can’t speak for all women, I’ll speak for myself. I’m not interested in sweet tender lovemaking surrounded by scented candles — I would rather be pushed up against the kitchen bench and have my knickers ripped off. I want to be taken, possessed, and overpowered.
I believe in sexual polarity, the oppositional forces of feminine and masculine energies. In my sexual life, I don’t want to be the boss, be in control, or be in charge. I want to inhabit the moment rather than direct it. I want to feel rather than think.
Fortunately for me, I have a boyfriend who I can talk to about anything, and who doesn’t mind how we have sex, as long as we have it. I haven’t been missing out on the type of sex I like, although I have been apologising for it.
Lately, I’ve been saying, “I’m sorry I’m not more romantic and loving.” He waves away my protestations with a somewhat satisfied post-coital smile.
After reading this post today about sexual aggression, I’ve decided to stop apologising for my preferences and imagining that I’m some kind of sexual deviant. I’m no longer ashamed of my desires because they aren’t as unusual as I’ve been led to believe.
Our basic animal urges, those ones we’ve been taught to suppress and ignore by religion, are what keeps the fires of love and lust burning. When we try to domesticate our desires, we turn wolves into lap-dogs — which might be fine for some people but not for me.
I like a bit of the (full consensual) “rough stuff” and I will no longer make any excuses for it. I may not know what every woman wants in bed, but I know what I want.
Do you like to “fuck” or “make love”?
Katie Paul has survived adoption, bulimia, and the suicide of her husband, more or less unscathed. She attributes her resilience to her guardian angels Bob, Fred, and Hugo. She used to be a stage manager but she gave it all up to write stories about loss, love, lust, and longing. Her characters get a bit raunchy at times because that’s the way life should be — full of big juicy moments. She is sure Bob, Fred, and Hugo agree.